What a Wednesday!!!

Date:                                 Wednesday August 18th, 2010
Word of the Day:               tare; the weight of the wrapping or container that holds an object; the weight of a                                        vehicle without cargo, passengers, etc.
Weight:                              228 pounds
Goal:                                  lose 100 pounds in one year duration
Pounds to lose:                   96 pounds
Rowing Duration:                101 minutes, 45 seconds
                                                                                             

Well, it has been years since I was able to row for that long a period, I am very proud of myself for doing over 1.5 hours on Cruella today, how about that?  Oh, and if you listen to music while you exercise, choose it carefully,  as that music may be what  stops you exercising,  you have no idea how miserable listening to Les Miserables actually is, I kid you not.

As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, (in the coming attractions section,)  I will talk today about my experience with penis enlargement.  I really wrestled with this one as it may 'be a little serious,  not to mention  revealing,  and I do not want to offend any of you, but, I rationalized that maybe there is somebody out there who will see this blog,  and he will know that he is not alone.  That is the risk that I am willing to risk.  Besides, I did say that I would talk about it and I am a man of my word.

I find it noteworthy that the Bible says to love your neighbour,  but I know of  no clause in the Bible to love yourself.  I think loving yourself is something everybody needs to do, so parents, when you are raising your children to be independent thinkers, and just plain independent, teach them also: to be compassionate, avoid rascism, if you are able to help out somebody, do it,  find something that makes you happy and do that for your job, do not just think about the rewards in life,  and most of all,  teach your children and your self to love yourself, it may cut down the therapy time.

I have made the decison that when I lose my weight, I am going to get rid of all of my fat clothes.  I do not want to keep them, just in case. And when I am finally back in better health, I intend to buy alot of new and expensive clothes, then I am going to go show myself off at the Church of the very unnatural hair colour.  Of course this isn't the Church's real name, it just happens to be a by-product.

Yesterday, after going through the entire summer (almost) my nurse, Willy,  called me to tell me he is enjoying my blog,  and that I shouldn't change the name of it.  I had no intention of changing it, but I appreciated the call as it has been awhile since Willy and I last chatted.  I think, and I know this is going to get me in big, big trouble, and I swear, I'm not sexist, but I prefer nurses that are female, they seem to carry that motherly caring trait, and I stand by that nurses should possess the three b's:  Beautiful, blonde, and named Brenda!

I take my hat off to all nurses, regardless of hair and it's colour.  Nurses  work extremely hard,  and never get the appreciation they richly deserve, so today I salute all nurses,  and I want to personally thank you for all the help that I have received from you.

Last night, I chatted with my niece/Goddaughter Sally, who is my brother Biff's oldest child, to ask her how she keeps herself motivated with all the practice runs,  and exhibitions that she has to perform to keep herself in the game, and she advised me that you just do it, and that you try not to think of it too much because that can overwhelm you.   I have always maintained that sometimes our young friends give the best advice, I am so proud of Sally!   

I wish I could be equally proud of the adults in my life.  I don't know if I am just stupid, or too naive,  but it perplexes me on issues that adults tend to get so riled about.  For example, the other day I was watching a daytime chat show, and please don't ask me to reveal which one as that would be indiscrete, The View, and the ladies there got into a heated debate on schools teaching their young people,( I think it relates to children in the Grade One level,)  the proper names of their anatomy.

Well, all hell broke loose as some of the panel believed that this topic was the responsibility of the parents, and that it did not belong in school.  I agree with this, as long as the parents do it, but unfortunately, many do not, or when they do, some of the parents will attach such silly names as: wee wee, dinky, private area, etc.

What the heck is wrong with good old fashioned honesty and just call it for what it is, your penis, and your vagina.  That way, your children will be learning the right name, and you will not have to take it back because your children learn a different name.  I really can't understand why people get so hung up on this issue,  it is ridiculous.and completely unnecessary.

Now, since you brought up the subject, okay lets not get stressed over who really brought up the subject, but when I was  a young boy, as I've mentioned before, I grew up without a father.  One day,  when I was about seven years old,  and I was in the dressing room at a community pool, I noticed a man and his genitalia.  I thought, upon seeing the man's pubic hair that this was the ugliest thing I had ever seen in my life,  and I started hoping and wishing that I would never look like that man.

I got my wish, at least until I was seventeen years old.  I don't know why I didn't develop like everybody else,  maybe it was psychosomatic, in any case, I did not look like any of the other boys my age.  This is fine, when you're seven, but, troubling and disturbing when you are an adolescent,  and you want to be like everyboyd else.  I was always different and could not figure out why.

I grew despondent,  and finally decided at fifteen years old,  to ask my family doctor,  Dr. Woody (yes, I see the irony,)  if there was anything that could be done.

"What seems to be troubling you today?" asked  the concerned doctor who would later wish he hadn't come in that day.
"I'd like a bigger penis" I answered honestly and nervously, I was so scared he would tell  my mother.
"I beg your pardon," he said in a voice that quivered.
"Well, its embarrasingly small." I could feel myself getting red in the face and Dr. Woody had to notice that I was obviously upset.
"Ah, how old are you now Efrem?" asked Dr. Woody
"I'm fifteen years old."
"And, um," Dr. Woody seemed to be struggling with finding words and his voice.  An eternity of time seemed to pass.
"No, I have not gone through puberty yet" I offered,  hoping that was what Dr. Woody wanted to know.
"Oh," said Dr. Woody pausing for a moment.  He then continued.
"You do know, don't you son, that it will grow."  "They have taught you that in school, haven't they?" asked the good doctor.
"Well, not that specifically, but if you are asking if I know the facts of life, I do."
"You see son, you have nothing to worry about, you're just late in reaching puberty."  This is what Dr. Woody's parents paid good money for so that he could get a medical degree.
"I AM WORRIED,  Dr. Woody,"   I said raising my voice. "All the guys at school make fun of me and I hate going there." I started to cry.
"I'm sorry,  there really is nothing I can do about that, but if you like, I could speak to your mother"
I yelled out, "No, please, don't tell her."  I begged.  What the heck was Dr. Woody thinking about?  I decided that I would have to take the bull by the horn or risk having my mother know all of the embarrasing facts about me.
"While I am waiting to reach puberty, is there anything I can do to make my penis bigger?" This would be the first time in my life that I would ever hear anything about penis enlargement.
"NO" said Dr. Woody bluntly ending that subject and dashing all of my hopes.  "I'm afraid not, but son, do you know about masturbation?" I couldn't believe what this guy was asking me, I had already told him that I knew the facts of life.
"Yes of course I do" I admitted getting embarrased all over again.
"When you play with it, don't you notice a change in size then?"
"Marginally, but I can't play with myself in front of the other guys at school, can I?!" "So what good is that?" I asked feeling myself getting frustrated and angry..
"I guess its no good, I just wanted to make sure you know that your penis will grow when you masturbate!"
"Thank you Dr. Woody, please don't tell my mother that I even came here for a visit."
"No, don't worry, I won't." guaranteed Dr. Woody. he continued. "And Son, really, I bet you are going to go through puberty soon, so cheer up, that crackle in your voice is a good sign that you are starting to change"

Two years later, I did change and would never ever need to know anything about penis enlargement again.

Since we are on the subject of the penis, lets just get it out there, all guys, at some time or another, will take a peek at the guy at the urinal beside them.  This does not make them gay, it makes them human.  We all compare, even the ladies, then we complain!!!  And speaking of toilets, the women are right, damn it, if you can't aim, sit down on the bloody thing!  Nothing irritates me more than standing in a pool of somebody else's urine.  If you are at our cottage, and your male, why not pee outside, its so liberating!

Finally, when I said there would be topics, coming soon, this did not mean it would happen the next day.  If I say I'm going to talk about something, I will, I just have to feel it on that day.  So, topics coming soon, are Oprah, Broadway's original Annie, the one and only Miss Andrea McArdle, and Maureen Beckett, also known as (aka) The WalMart Woman!!!